Here is my Manchester Manifesto, contained in my latest poster (see below). Forget the left, the right or the centre, if we followed this path, everything in the world (well, south of Preston and north of Macclesfield) would be just dandy. So stick that in your London-centric pipes, Corbyn and May, and smoke it. The Manchester Manifesto is on sale, along with my newly-adapted Mancunian Way birthday card (also below), at Altrincham Market on Friday, Saturday and Sunday over Easter, and at Knutsford Market on Sunday. See you there.
EDUCATION, EDUCATION, EDUCATION
Birmingham, England’s second city? You’ve got to be joking.
Half an hour off the train journey to London – who cares?
Of lazy London-centric media folk who use ‘grim’ or ‘oop’ whenever they refer to the north.
LET US EAT CAKE!
Eccles or Chorley ones, please.
CROWN A MANC MONARCH!
It’s either King Colin of Bell or King Eric of Cantona.
ALL STAND FOR THE MANC ANTHEM!
Station Approach by Elbow, an ode to Piccadilly, the gateway to the best city in the world.
BUILD A WALL!
Those Yorkshire folk have got to be stopped migrating over the Pennines to civilisation somehow.
BETTER DEAD THAN RED!
No child shall be encouraged to support Liverpool. Ever! Same goes for Leeds United and Chelsea.
A NEW BANK HOLIDAY!
In honour of Tony Wilson, our late spiritual leader.
SELF-RULE FOR CHORLTON
Recognise the right of the trendy enclave to operate entirely according to its own liberal, yoghurt-knitting, vegan agenda. Build its new parliament as an extension to the Unicorn co-operative vegan superstore.
STRONG AND STABLE
Old Toms all round, on prescription! The beer, one of Greater Manchester’s strongest and produced by Robinsons Brewery, is laughing juice and after two you’re barely stable. So lovely though.
RISE UP, MANCUNIANS AND PARTY!
Nothing new there, but let’s not do any more of that 24-hour stuff.
GIVE PEACE A CHANCE!
Let’s call a truce with our nice Scouse neighbours over in Liverpool. Don’t like that idea? Well just calm down, calm down.